pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
