My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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