Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
