Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
