I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
