Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
