after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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