suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
