i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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