keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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