hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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