i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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