dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
