You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
