Already got asked if we're dating
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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