Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
