i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
