I think I died a long time ago.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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