Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
