i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
