the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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