I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
