3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
