Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
