a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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