I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
