my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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