totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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