Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's shark week go big or go home
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
