I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
