she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
is it fun? or sober?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
