she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
