they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
don't judge my taste in strippers
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
