I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
