do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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