mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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