you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
