If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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