woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
