I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
