He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
