On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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