So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
