is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
jump out the window naked night went bad
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
