Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
