you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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