You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
