I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
