i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize