i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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