I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
