giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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