haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
